Today’s Thoughts

I hate:

Stress – I mean seriously, why is it that sometimes everything converges at once to twist you into a pulsating ball of stress and frustration.

August – I think things (see above) will be a lot better once it is over. Way too much going on at once.

Having to earn a paycheck – I think I was meant to be one of those “ladies of leisure” that lunch, shop, hang out with friends, travel and watch TV all day. I would be diverse though; I would throw charity work in there. I actually really do like my job but I could use a few weeks of leisure, like, the month of August.

The way Nick Cannon announces the names of contestants on America’s Got Talent – it’s so cheesy and announcer-y.

One word anythings – as in one word emails; you take the time to draft a nice, thoughtful email that’s like “hey, person! Question for you, blah, blah, blah. Thanks! Lisa” and you get a response that says “ok.” Or, one-word phone calls; you call someone and this is how they pick up the phone (caller ID is necessary in this scenario): “Yes?” So rude. Next time those people call me I will pick up the phone and say “bye” and promptly hang up. As Ben Stiller would say, “can you handle that?!?!”

Anyone that thought it was anything other than normal that Michelle Obama wore shorts — ok, so, she wore shorts. on vacation. in the grand canyon. I don’t even have anything else to say on this.

I love (yes, I do really like some things):

Friends whose phone calls cheer you up and make you forget some of the I hates.

That the kid on America’s Got Talent that totally got screwed last night when they had technical difficulties and NO ONE at home or in the studio audience could hear him playing the piano got voted to the next round. Americans love the sympathy vote.

This guy on Twitter: http://twitter.com/shitmydadsays

My Mom and Dad. Just because.

And finally, that August is almost over!! Hooray!

And Other Thoughts…

Few thoughts on my mind this evening….

White American or Yellow (or, how I became my Mom)

At the grocery store the other day, I ordered some cheese at the deli. The same cheese I always order – Land o’ Lakes white American, sliced thin. Here’s the thing – I don’t understand why I keep ordering the white cheese instead of the yellow. I like yellow American. When I go to a restaurant (shout out to S&S!) I am psyched if it is yellow American in my eggs or grill cheese. In fact, at a restaurant, it would be weird to me if it was white. Yet I still buy the white on my own. Sort of like how I have had generic Cheerios before – and they taste just like regular Cheerios. But I would never buy the generic because we didn’t buy generic growing up. So, I think this is officially the story of how I became my mother.

You Should Think Before You Speak (or, shut the f—k up)

So, the blog thus far as been more focused on “other thoughts” as opposed to “I hate you.” Let’s change that now.So, today, in particular, I hate:

Selfish people – grow up, you are not the sun, and we are not the planets. We can respect that you need to feel a little like the sun right now, but, if you keep it up, you’ll become global warming and everyone will hate you. And wear SPF 1,000 to repel you.

Last minute requests that didn’t need to be last minute – really, it didn’t occur to you four hours ago that you would need X thing by Y time? Really? Because I’m starting to think maybe you’re just doing it so that I can change my life around to accommodate you. Dance, marionette, dance!

Final Thoughts

Thursday night TV – there is nothing on now in the summer. In the fall, Thursdays are the best (remember the good ‘ol days of Friends and ER on the same night?) but with SYTYCD over for the season, I got zilch. And there are only so many NCIS, House and Law & Order marathons one can watch, USA channel.

Advice columnist – I want to be one. And I think I would be a really good one. They say the crazier you are, the more likely you are to understand others’ problems and advise them well. I think they say that – maybe I made it up. Whatever, do as I say, not as I do. I read Boston.com’s “Love Letters” every day and I could offer 100X better advice than that Meredith chick does. Even better than Dear Abby I bet. Definitely better than Ann Landers. So, I’m too proud to beg – send me your questions!!! Satisfaction guaranteed!

My Favorite Movies…Was I Supposed to be a Boy?

Blog post number two! I promise I will stop annotating my posts after this one. Quick aside before I get started, as I am typing, I have the TV on in the background. On mute. I always have the TV on, no matter what I am doing – I just like the glow and the moving pictures. Anyhow, that’s not the point; I glanced up and saw my TV was in black and white. On ABC. In HD. After my initial concern that I had somehow time traveled back to 1952, I read the description for a show called “Dating in the Dark.” The title sums it up. It is a dating show. In the dark. Seriously? Some super smart TV executive (read: moron) came up with this and then a gazillion people at ABC said, “yeah, great idea, let’s get it on the air!” I mean, I know it’s summer time, but still. What’s next, “Sleeping with Eyes Open”? “Working in Bunny Costumes”? That’s all on this subject.

The topic of this post was actually based off of something my good friend Lauren of “A Bee in My Bonnet” wrote about (p.s., check out her blog – if you have a popover fetish, you’ll think you’re in heaven). In it, she lists some of her favorite movies, which got me thinking about what my favorite movies are. And in no particular order (not including the new classic The Hangover in here because I think that will eventually warrant its own post – complete with a list of my favorite lines):

Tombstone (Val Kilmer makes a lung-diseased, Latin-quoting outlaw TOTALLY hot – and the memorable lines! “I’m your huckleberry.” Tell ‘em we’re coming – and hell is coming with us!” “Why Kate, you aren’t wearing a bustle.”)

Fight Club (again, excellent quotes and lots of shirtless Brad Pitt. And it not only makes starting a fight club seem okay, it makes it seem like a brilliant way to spend a Saturday).

The Usual Suspects (can anyone ever break a coffee cup and not think of this movie?)

All the Bourne Movies (as noted in previous post, this is a whole topic in an of itself – every time I sit alone on a park bench I still wait for foreign hit men to attack me and I respond with guerrilla moves that suddenly leap to my amnesia-clouded brain. Though I don’t really sit on park benches much; or ever…so…)

Memento, Good Will Hunting, Con Air (I know, I know…), The Rock…

Are you sensing a theme here? Most of these movies are traditionally male-favored flicks. In fact, many of the women I know haven’t seen many, if any, of these movies. Did I get an extra dose of testosterone or something that makes me crave these films? Did my dad tend to rule movie night when I was young? Which all leads us to – was I meant to be a boy? And if I was supposed to be a boy, would I have then been a gay boy who lusts after Robert Pattison, (yes, age inappropriate), David Borenaz and Johnny Depp? And if I was a gay boy, then would I also be a cross-dressing gay boy? I can’t imagine not getting to wear my designer five-inch heels (for another post – someone remind me to tell you about the world’s BEST personal shopper I have at Nordstrom)? You may think this is a lot to make out of enjoying a few male-targeted movies, but it makes sense to me.

In case you didn’t notice, I included links to a lot of things in this post. Yup, SEO, baby! Come on, blog traffic! I’m ready and waiting for you – we can start a virtual Fight Club.

My First Blog Post

So, this is big. My. First. Ever. Blog. Post. I’m not really sure how to start it – hello, my name is Lisa and I am a first time blogger (“Hello, Lisa,” shouts back the two people I even shared my blog link with – Hi Stace, Hi Lauren!).

I feel like most people try and explain what their blog will be about and what they will talk about on a regular basis in their inaugural post. I don’t think I can do that, because I am not really sure what I’ll talk about; I don’ really have a theme per say. I mean, by the title, you can probably guess I’ll bitch a lot, complain about things that bother me and be kinda mean – but all in a really fun and witty way!

Which actually brings me to the larger issue of starting a blog – who do I tell about it and therefore allow to read it? I mean, I like to vent, get things out, blow off steam if you will. So what if the particular target of that steam is reading my blog? Do I turn “Bob” into “Rob”? Do I only allow certain people to read it and then if I want to talk about them behind their back, start an entirely new secret blog? Throw caution to the wind and say screw it, let them know the ugly truth?

Hmm. Questions to ponder as I start out my new little social media experiment. So in the meantime, I will just tell you that this blog will hopefully be a cathartic tool for me and hopefully something you may find funny along the way. Currently, what I am finding funny is “you.” As in, there probably aren’t many “yous” even reading this. I am in PR, so I know all the tips and tricks to getting blog traffic – SEO, hyperlinks, etc. However, that seems like a lot of work, especially on a Sunday night – especially a Sunday night before my first day back to work after a week off. So for now, I guess all the “yous” are really me, myself and I.

My goal is to blog fairly regularly and hopefully on topics that the eventual yous will find entertaining – like my obsession with becoming a government assassin (a la Matt Damon in the Bourne movies), my hatred of Evan from “So You Think You Can Dance?” and my itty bitty problem with shopping.

So, there you have it. My. First. Blog. Post. Ever. As long as you strap in and prepare yourself for the stream of consciousness that is my life, you might enjoy the ride. But for now, “True Blood” is on. Eric or Bill? Was always a Bill girl, but Eric has that sexy bad boy (vampire) with a heart (not a real heart – he’s technically dead) of gold thing going on that I fall for. Fictionally and in real life. Over, and over and over again. But that’s for another day. Good night, blogosphere!